studio jan 17

4 Studies (Not in the order they were made) , Jan 2011, GSaxena, acrylic, 7"x5"

Agnes Martin, in the previously posted interview, said something about how inspiration will pass through the artist, if the artist is still enough. And if the artist is still enough they can catch the inspiration, and should then let it be just as it is, without their ego affecting it. She also rallied a bit against the education system that asked its students to overproduce, to mold themselves, to experiment etc etc.

To be honest, if I were to follow Martin's principles, it would be hard for me to know what to do, how long to wait, and then perhaps stillness would be of great value. Currently I am thinking of everything from installations, to drawings, to fabric, to paintings, to illustrations (is that experimentation? it is not without inspiration...) I am thinking of the prolific. I just have to do it that way at the moment, get it all out of my system. Sort of like when I clean a very cluttered room.

Speaking of clutter, my instinct is to either clean if I have the energy. I throw things if I am racing against time and space, if i have to move away, or if i am upset. If I feel ill, I just let things be, and spaces become overwhelming. If I am to have people over, according to me instincts I am inclined to clean. It was the same when I used to have studio visits in graduate school. If I knew someone would be about to visit me, I would clean and sweep up. I became nervous about cleaning eventually, especially when I was made aware of over designed qualities in my work. I wondered if cleaning was a facade--sort of like sweeping something embarrassing away. Maybe I was sweeping away some important incompleteness each time. In the case of such self doubt, something inside collapsed. I started to resist the urge to clean, but along with that certain other things became resisted/repressed as well due to self consciousness. I didn't produce much work, I believe, after that.

However, I feel ready to face that something or incompleteness now. I stand behind a closed door, eager. As far as what form my practice should take... I will try to do it all, and as when it comes to me. Even if it means drawing something representational, weaving a form, taking a picture etc etc. I have to know what is there, and it won't do to edit.

Multiplicity, polyphony are there.